I've started this post ten bazillion times in my head and finally I just set an alarm for thirty minutes and made myself start. I figured thirty minutes is enough time to get started but not so long that I get scared.
Because this is the story of Clay Lucas.
You see, I've been wanting to share the rest of our story for awhile now but I wasn't sure how much I wanted to share and if I would want Clay to read all of the details when he got older and let's be honest, some of you will probably judge me.
But I've decided to share.
Because Clay is starting a new daycare and I was filling out forms when I came to this question:
Uhh… We aren't together. We aren't separated. We aren't divorced. I guess that leaves other, but what do I put there? Friends raising a baby? There certainly isn't enough room for the whole story.
Without getting into the dirty details, Mike and I saw each other a lot this year. In November we had a “visit.” (Oh, gosh. Judge me for writing “visit.”) Anyway, a couple of weeks later my other visitor was late so off I go to the grocery store. I guess I should just stop and say that I just had a feeling I was pregnant from a couple of days after so I was watching that calendar like a hawk. Anyway, I take the test, go back in and see only one line.
But wait, I look closer…is the second line supposed to be a very very very faint line.
Umm, no, Jessica, it's not.
So I immediately text my three closest friends at the time (two of which are guys) and from that moment I knew I would never be alone in this pregnancy. Rhonda, Brian, and Troy were just three of the friends who stood by my side and are now an Aunt and Uncles to Clay (and Brian is Clay's godfather).
This is the part where I have to stop and majorly brag on all of my friends. Especially Amy and Liz. Amy was there from my first doctor's appointment to the delivery room and Liz walked with me, we started our blogs together, and she helped me organize, go tour daycares, and throw an Olympic party (very important)!
So there I was. 26 and pregnant. Living in a city with no family. Not even sure what Mike would say, let alone how involved he would be.
So I told Mike. The day after his birthday. Happy birthday! Right… Anyway, he was shocked to say the least.
I knew I would keep this baby and raise it. I've wanted nothing more than to be a mother someday since I was little. You might think I'm crazy, but I think that's what God put me on this earth to do. Yeah, I have a job, but my career is being a mother.
Okay, I got sidetracked. Like I was saying, I knew this baby would be mine. I knew it would be hard but I was going to do it. At this point I had no clue what Mike's involvement would be and to be honest, I don't think he knew. We weren't together and we weren't going to try to force something that just wasn't there. So while I was scared out of my mind at this point, I was also excited. I was going to have a baby!!
Now came the time to tell everyone. Friends were the easiest to tell. My boss was a little harder to tell but she's been completely supportive since day one so I don't know why I worried. Then came the hard part. Telling my family.
I had to tell my mom first. How did I tell my mom, you ask? I wrote her a letter. Yes, a letter. You see, I was raised in a Southern Baptist church. Being pregnant and unmarried is bad. So I wrote my mom a letter, because I'm a wuss. My mom's reaction? She was upset because I would be raising her grandbaby in another state, four hours away.
Obviously there was some shock but I only ever heard one negative comment from a crazy aunt and who really cares what she thinks anyway??
At that point in my pregnancy, I was assuming that I was going to be raising Clay by myself (with so much love and support from family and friends!) and while Mike was supportive of my decision, I don't think he knew if he wanted to have any involvement at all.
I want to say here that I don't blame Mike for not knowing. He was 25 and single and had just found out he was going to be a father.
I'll pause the story here to save you from a lonnnnnnng post.